Out with the Old, In with the New

Happy 2022.

This is not how I expected, or dare I say wanted, to spend my New Year’s Eve; sitting behind my computer with a half-drunk bottle of wine listening to the neighborhood fireworks display. Then again, I don’t think a lot of 2021 was what I expected or wanted it to be. 

2021 started with a gut-wrenching bang, a family emergency that ended with us being in the hospital, that left a sheen of fear over the year. 2021 also ended with a family emergency, once again in the hospital, but this time surrounded by hope and strength. If there is a perfect metaphor for moving from one year to the next, it’s those bookends of emergencies.

I think we put a lot of pressure on 2021 to be The Year. How could it not be, we just put a pin in one of our generation's worse years, a global pandemic. What I have realized though, is that 2021 was supposed to be the implementation year. We learned a lot about ourselves through quarantine 2020, that isolation forced us to look inward. While 2021 didn’t allow for full normalcy, the mini lockdowns and safe social circles we formed put our growth to the test. Through our life minimization, we were forced to address ourselves in ways we never made time for before. It’s logical that we needed time to weave those revelations of 2020 into our daily lives, and for me, that was 2021. I don’t want to come off saying that 2021 was a shit year, or even that it was amazing. It was balanced. That’s all we can hope for, right? I had my ups and downs like anyone, but I haven’t allowed myself the time to acknowledge those until now.

Friends were a big area of my life that saw a change. Not in my foundation, though. I’m grateful to say that the few quadrants of my foundation have stayed solid for several years. I know who my ride or dies are, but this year brought new members to my tribe. It’s hard meeting people as you age. It’s not that you lose yourself, quite the opposite actually. You know yourself so well that you are unwilling to compromise your core for someone else. The friends that I engulfed into my circle are amazing. I’ve always been myself around them, and they have accepted every aspect of that person. I have my quirks and my trauma, but so do they, and they opened their arms and said, “same girl, same.” 

I did, unfortunately, separate from a tribe this year. It devastated me, and I have tears and journal pages full of heartache to prove it. It took a long time for me to stop thinking that there was something wrong with me. What did I do to lose something that for a year felt so solid? In the end, I don’t think it had anything to do with someone doing something wrong. It was accepting that for a year we needed each other, and from the strength, we provided each other we grew, and we just grew apart. I still love these people and would throw down to protect them, but I don’t know if we need to be in each other’s lives constantly. Different paths and different parts of our lives are valid in disrupting a friendship, but that doesn’t mean love and respect change. I miss them with my whole heart, but I have moved on from dwelling on the past to embrace what that time created for me.

This year contributed to a lot of self-ownership for me. Ownership is not only who I am, but who I want to be. I have spent so much of my life trying to be this ideal person, the one who has it all; the career, the companionship, the family. I forgot that to others I might actually be who I have set out to be; someone who is not dependent on checked boxes of some self-limited form, but instead the ideal person in my soul. Self-image can be a bitch sometimes. I worked through a lot of self-image bullshit this year, all initiated by heart-to-hearts I had with dear friends. I’ve had these relationships for over 20 years, friendships that may not allow us the opportunity to gather on a regular basis, but ones that are strong-rooted, that time does not matter. After a year where so much was lost, we look at what we still have with clear eyes. I was able to acknowledge that I have achieved my personal growth goals. It really is about allowing myself the permission to see beyond the struggle, to see the phoenix who has arisen from the ashes of past traumas. I have grown as a person, and if you are unwilling to love the new me, or even unwilling to see the new me, then you are not worthy of me, to begin with. I don’t have to give myself to everyone, I am allowed to separate myself from those who reopen wounds, even if there is a link between us that can not be changed.

Career was another place where weird shit happened. I found myself worried about my education job, wondering if the higher-ups understand the importance of my role enough to leave it out of the reshuffling of hired positions. I ended 2021 by making my position indispensable, embracing new roles and skills that fall under my position, under my expert knowledge. I allowed myself to breathe into my career, to acknowledge that my knowledge and tenure are valuable. I also went from dreaming about future career expansion to writing out a game plan for it. I allowed myself to embrace the career path that I am on but also realized that just because I have advanced in one career does not mean my other sought-after career is lost. 

It’s hard at times having two very different career goals in your back pocket, fearing you are giving up on one if you pursue the other. I am a diverse person, and against popular belief 40 is not the endpoint of opportunity. I still have so much more to achieve in my career life, in both fields of education and entertainment, and there is nothing wrong with that. That’s one of my main goals for 2022. I want to put my creative ideas to the test, to walk the walk, to follow through on my ideas. I have to make more time for my writing goals, to put pen to paper and finish the stories in my head. They aren’t going to be perfect at their birth, but I can’t get them ready for the world if they are stuck in my head. Even with entertainment, I have an unexpected goal to pursue in 2021. Sure, it might be one that I’ve contemplated before, but now I have a game plan. I have a direction that I never really visualized before. I not only believe I can do it but that it will be worth something to others in the world. I have the determination, passion, and ability to make my dreams into a reality, I just need to start taking the journey towards it.

Growth and Manifestation. That seems to be my theme for 2022. 

2021 started with fear and anxiety but ended with hope and strength. Years don’t have to be perfect or traumatic for us to experience growth, we experience that daily. What matters above all is what we do with the opportunities we are given. I don’t think new years are a blank slate. Instead, I think they are shaded with the lessons of the past, but it’s our job to define the images with our experiences. I’m excited to create this new chapter for myself, using the tips and tricks I learned in the previous chapter to create the perfect year for me.

Written by Lisa M Mejia
Images from 2021